There is no remedy for love but to love more.
– Henry David Thoreau
On my journey to develop skills and expertise as a therapist for individuals and couples, I read books, attended professional trainings, studied videos of master therapists, had countless hours of supervision, and engaged in personal therapy. All of these were valuable and helped me learn and grow.
Then something happened that transformed, rather than improved, how I work. I experienced a moment when my own therapeutic guide and mentor, Jane, saw me. We were meeting via Zoom, but that didn’t hinder the depth of this moment of connection. Jane saw me, and I felt the power of being seen. Beyond her words, something in her resonant presence opened up the space in me and between us. A new dimension of experience had arrived.
“I no longer felt isolated and alone, which was a strange experience because I didn’t know I had felt so isolated and alone.”
“Lori, I see that part of you that is ‘fine’ and works so hard to care for others,” Jane said. “You recognize that others deserve to be loved, and you keep caring, even as you carry your own burdens.” Jane saw that part of me as precious and beautiful. Then she went on, “I also see a lonely part of you frozen in a great empty field. I see that part too.”
Jane saw me. I no longer felt isolated and alone, which was a strange experience because I didn’t know I had felt so isolated and alone. Though I knew the lonely one existed, I hadn’t been able to find her before.
Those parts that Jane saw were actively and unconsciously attempting to block her from seeing me. Those protective parts did not trust Jane, a human caregiver, to be capable enough to care for me.
When I saw Jane’s eyes compassionately seeing into and through these parts of me, I knew what she saw was real. I felt myself awaken into greater consciousness. I saw myself more clearly and compassionately than before.
As Jane’s presence came alongside mine, I felt no sense of judgment or wrongness but a feeling of solidarity and appreciation.
This experience did not end my healing journey. It expanded it, opening up new areas for exploration. I learned the power of seeing and appreciating parts of others they can’t see and understand for themselves. It inspires me to bring that experience to other therapists and to help therapists bring these experiences to their clients.
Photo by Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash
