Blog
Blaming Parts are Cultural, not Personal
Blaming parts can feel desperate to be seen and understood while, at the same time, they can ultimately expect to be ignored, judged, and misunderstood. Recall the blaming parts in the scene with Fred, Sheldon, and Marla: Fred sat comfortably in the therapist's...
Welcoming blaming parts
When people come to therapy, we help them feel safe cognitively before guiding them to experience more embodied levels of safety. Bringing much-needed support to blaming parts is a way to establish calmness and trust. In the presence of overwhelming suffering, each...
Delighting In A Lot Of Words
In our continuous journey to enhance therapeutic practices, I am excited to delve into a more profound method of client engagement that I have termed "Better Together." This approach integrates the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model with the Emotionally Focused...
Better Together: Integrating EFT, IFS, and PSIP
These days, I work in a new and emergent way that I’ve developed over the past eight years. Over this time, I’ve moved into a more secure relationship with EFT while expanding to divergent experiential models. I’ve named this approach Better Together, which supports...
Upcoming Opportunities to Learn EFT
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and her colleagues, is largely responsible for transforming the field of couple therapy over the past 30 years. Without EFT training, couple therapy is often ineffective. With EFT, couple therapy has...
What Is Secure Attachment?
Secure attachment is the natural way people relate to each other in safe and secure social conditions, but cannot be taken for granted.
What Is Avoidant Attachment?
People who practice rugged independence have an avoidant style of relating to others. While common, relating this way is not ideal.
What Is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment is one of three styles of coping with relationship insecurity. Anxious attachment often develops in childhood.
Are You Securely Attached in Your Relationship?
Take this brief quiz to find out of you are securely attached in your relationship, or if you have anxious or avoidant attachment.
Perfectionism: Mental Disorder or Relationship Strategy?
When is perfectionism a positive trait, and when is it unhealthy? Is perfectionism an individual disorder or relationship strategy?
All Marriages are Challenging
Fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce. The odds of long-term success are less in later marriages and unmarried couples. Recent advances in understanding help more couples succeed.
Failing in My Relationships
The story of Chris, stuck in failing relationships, is all too common. If you relate to Chris, you’re not alone.
Top 5 Ways to be a Good Wife and Mother
Is being a good wife and mother of utmost importance to you? If so, here is a list of the top 5 things you can do to be the best wife and mother you can be. Exercising regularly, at least 30 minutes a day, five days a week, and getting enough sleep, usually 7-8 hours,...
Communication Problems: #1 in Relationships
Communication problems are the number one problem in relationships. Couples having trouble communicating are not alone, and can receive help.
Six Steps to an Ideal Apology
Giving and accepting a genuine apology to someone you’ve hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, is a precious experience that builds your relationship stronger than ever. Here’s a step-by-step guide.
The Four Most Destructive Myths About Apologies
Four common myths about genuine apologies destroy countless opportunities to be more successful in our relationships.
Hold Me Tight: Celebrating One Million Copies!
Dr. Sue Johnson’s first book for consumers, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, published in 2008, just achieved the distinction of selling over a million copies. All couples should have it on their required reading list.
A Marriage In Crisis After 30 Years
Many couples are surprised and unprepared when a relationship crisis hits. The threat of divorce can be unexpected, extremely frightening, and extremely painful. This was true for Andy and Paola, who managed to find their way back to relationship happiness and security.
Emotional Triggers and Glimmers: What Are They?
Emotional triggers and glimmers signal potential threats and safety in relationships. The human nervous system constantly and automatically responds to these cues. How we respond in situations depends on the state of the nervous system.
How Codependent Am I?
Many people ask how codependent they are in their relationship. Take this quiz to assess your level of codependency. Though codependency is a term that’s outdated in the professional field, it is still in common use. Use this quiz to increase your understanding of the term, and to assess your relationship health.
How to Use Your Anger Positively In Your Relationship
While anger is most known for being destructive to relationships, anger can be used positively to get the relationship we want.
How Good is Your Relationship?
Two best friends have different marriages. One is very happy, one average. They don’t realize how significant a difference this makes.
Growing Up in Adulthood
Becoming an adult doesn’t mean we are emotionally mature enough to successfully handle adult responsibilities. No one is emotionally mature when they reach legal age. Continuing to grow in adulthood doesn’t happen automatically, but can be supported by people we trust.
“I Want to Leave My Marriage”
When you want to leave your marriage, it’s time to deal with it. Couple therapy can help you both understand what went wrong, heal the wounds between you, and leave you both clear to move forward in or out of the relationship.
Top 4 Reasons to Bring Your Partner to Therapy
Considering going to counseling? There are several reasons why couple counseling may be better than individual counseling.
Can You Recover From an Affair?
Couples can and do survive affairs, stronger than ever. However, successfully recovering from an affair often takes professional guidance.
Integrating Emotionally Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems
Emotionally Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems are complementary models of psychotherapy. Both models bring a unique and powerful contribution to the field of psychotherapy.
Ideal Relationships Are Painful Too
When most of us picture an ideal relationship, we picture something like this: Two people who are the most important person in the world to each other, completely trusting of each other, supportive of each other’s dreams and life’s challenges, and enjoy time together...
The Stories in Your Head
Stories in your head try to help make sense of yourself and the world. It’s lovely when someone else gets our stories. However, our greater truth lies beneath our stories.
“My vision is to empower a world in which we can all be seen, loved, and free to love wholeheartedly.”
— Lori Marchak, LCPC, LMFT