Protective and exiled parts, as described by the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, manage people’s burdens. They keep burdens out of conscious awareness, take back control when they overwhelm the system, and search for a path toward resolution. Unfortunately, people often don’t appreciate the magnitude of the burdens their parts manage.
The burdens people carry include imprints of “Big T” and “Little t” traumas and the imprints of neglect. Neglect is about aspects of one’s experience that could have been seen and cared for but weren’t.
Some people experience “Big N” neglect when they depend on others who fail to provide basic care. Children commonly experience unintentional neglect when their parents are busy and preoccupied with life challenges.
Virtually everyone experiences ubiquitous “Little n” neglect in their daily lives when burdened parts of themselves are not seen and tended to by others. Others who do see them may not be available, willing, or capable of providing needed care.
Burdens and parts are protective—they keep vulnerable parts of our beings safe when neither the internal system within us nor others can care for them. However, they are also liabilities, requiring enormous energy to manage.
Therapists are in a powerful and privileged position to give accurate, loving attention to parts that may have never received that kind of attention before. When they do, they also introduce a dilemma for the person receiving that new level of care:
Is it safe to relax their guard and let that in?
Or would that be a fool’s errand, unintentionally leading to more harm?
Clients are wise to block or reject the care they receive more often than therapists may appreciate.
Photo by StockCake.
